


I Can't Stop Loving You

by TazWren



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Broken Bones, Character Death, Childhood Friends, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Pre-teens - Freeform, Teen Reylo, Young Ben Solo, Young Love, Young Rey, Young idiots, accidental injury, young reylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 19:17:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21002825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TazWren/pseuds/TazWren
Summary: When Rey Andor and Ben Solo first met, they were five years old, and things devolved into screaming and tears. When they met again, things got better, before they got way worse.Will they ever sort out what when wrong between them?A young Reylo story, of Rey and Ben growing from toddlers to teenagers. And not always together.A prompt oneshot for Fridays with Flydam.





	I Can't Stop Loving You

**Author's Note:**

> Written to the 11 Oct prompt for Fridays With Flydam. The two prompt words are Forgiveness & Broken. Hopefully, I've done them both justice!
> 
> Posted unbetaed to indulge my un-chill ass 😆... Enjoy!

The terror-inducing sound of a little girl’s scream tore through the playground, prompting a young woman to whip around and race for the sandpit. Barely had she reached there when another voice joined in, this time a boy’s bellowing cries that spurred another woman to action.

“Rey!”

“Ben!”

The two adults spoke breathlessly over each other, pulling their respective charges into their arms and scanning for blood or other visible signs of physical damage. They sighed in unison as they realized that the damage only seemed to be emotional: tears and angry faces. Until they spied the broken bits of toys littered around the two children responsible for all the noise and understood what must have happened. Nothing emotional about the carnage at all - those toys seemed to have been ripped, stomped, and quite absolutely broken. 

“It’s his fault!”

“She broke my car!”

“He tore my doll!”

“You kicked me!”

Realizing there would be no end to the acrimony, both sides seeming equally culpable, the adults exchanged apologetic glances and proceeded to shush their children and reprimand them. 

“I’m sorry about your son’s toys… I can-”

“Oh, please, don’t worry about it. If anything, I should-”

Both offers waved away, the women smiled understandingly at each other and nudged their children forward.

“Apologize, Ben.”

“Rey, say you’re sorry!”

Reluctant apologies having been offered, accompanied by glowering scowls, the two were pulled away, each trailing their adult in opposing directions.

That would have been the end of that, if the next summer there hadn’t been a new family moving in next door to the Solos. While the parents bonded over mutual likes, the two children glared daggers at each other in mutual dislike. 

It was going to be a long summer.

**

As one summer become two and then a few more, dislike melted into grudging tolerance. Rey knew her way around a skateboard, Ben had to admit. Ben had the nicest books, Rey had to agree. They both liked to climb trees, especially the one large, sprawling one in the Solos' backyard. 

Cassian and Han were quickly roped into building a treehouse for the children, as Jyn and Leia realized it would the best way to manage all the burgeoning energy of their two youngsters. 

As a shared space meant more contact and more time spent away from adult supervision, Rey and Ben came to realize they could actually stand being around each other. It was actually nice to have someone their own age to do things with.

Until, that is, Rey decided she wanted to try kissing Ben. She’d never kissed a boy before - the only girl in her class not to have, the concept of cooties having finally been left behind. Not so for Ben, it seemed as he shoved her away, swiping angrily at his mouth as he did. 

The anger quickly morphed into horror, though, as the force of his shove sent Rey toppling over the edge of their treehouse. 

Racing down the rope ladder, Ben rushed to her crumpled form, white-faced as he took in the unnatural bend in her arm. A pair of frightened, tearing eyes met his, as Rey cradled her broken limb.

“MOM! DAD!”

A flurry of adult action ensued and Rey was whisked away to the Emergency Room, leaving a wretched Ben watching as the car disappeared from sight. No amount of assurance that Rey was going to be okay was able to assuage his guilt and terror, finally prompting Leia to haul him out to her car and drive out behind the Andors, unable to tolerate Ben’s fretting any longer.

The mechanics of binding and plastering a broken arm being dealt with, both children were parked in waiting room chairs and asked to stay put while the adults talked among themselves. 

Rey and Ben sat quietly, the one gingerly prodding at her new appendage, the other watching in fearful silence. Until his internal squirming got the better of him.

"Does it hurt?" His voice was hushed, husky, reined in tight as he finally spoke.

Rey ignored him, though the jut of her lip said she'd heard quite fine, thank you. 

Slowly his hand drifted over to brush against the cast before touching her fingers that were protruding sausage-like at the open end.

She tried to jerk her arm away but stopped with a gasp and a wince. Ben's hand flew away, his face whitening again in fear.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you!"

Holding her arm against her chest, Rey glared at him and hissed under her breath, "You pushed me out of the tree, Ben!"

"But I didn't _ mean _to! I was just… it was just…" he stopped, looking helplessly at her as he whined, "you tried to _ kiss _me."

"You are a stupid-head moron, Benjamin Solo, and I don't want to talk to you ever again!" Rey turned resolutely away, the quiver in her voice belying the stubborn set of her jaw.

For a ten-year-old, Ben could be quite perceptive. Something told him Rey wasn't mad about the arm. Well, she was, but she was also sad about the kiss. 

Somehow the thought that he'd made her want to cry seemed worse now, than it had a few years prior. Boys didn't make girls cry, boys took care of girls, his mom had told him time and again.

Keeping that in mind, Ben decided to man up and do what it took. Girding his little loins, he pursed his lips and leaned forward with his eyes closed. Which may have been a tactical mistake as Rey turned towards him just then and the kiss landed on her nose.

Cracking an eye he warily watched her reaction, unsure if he'd made things better or worse. 

"What was that?"

"Um, you wanted a kiss, so…"

"Don't you know anything? That's not a kiss, you moron."

"Oh..." Dropping his eyes, he turned away, trying not to feel ashamed that he knew nothing about anything. 

Rey's firm grip on his chin pulled him back around to face her, his squeak of surprise muffled as her lips pressed hard against his before she let him go.

"_That _is a kiss."

He could only nod silently, a hand lifting wonderingly to touch his mouth. 

Ben Solo had just had a revelation. Kissing was _ definitely _not as nasty as he'd been led to believe - the boys in his class knew _ nothing. _

**

Like a switch had been flipped, things changed overnight for Ben. Where Rey had just been the no-longer-quite-so-irritating girl next door, after that life-altering kiss, she was suddenly so much more. All Ben's attention and energies now pretty much focused only on her. Rey Andor was his Sun and he was but a lowly planet orbiting her, hoping for a chance at another kiss. Or to hold her hand. Maybe more - he wasn't very sure what that was exactly, just that he wanted it.

In the meanwhile, what Rey wanted Rey got, Ben leaping astride the proverbial charger to be her knight in shining armour, ready to do her bidding.

Their parents watched indulgently as Rey took thorough advantage of all the new attention she was getting from Ben. _ How sweet, _they murmured, as they watched Ben attempt to painstaking draw Rey's favourite characters on her cast, or when he held the ice-cream cone steady for her to lick while she flipped one-handed through his prized comics. 

As time passed, Rey's cast came off and her blithe misuse of Ben's affections morphed as they settled into a real friendship. However, Ben's Rey-shaped crush continued to grow, silently, soon expanding beyond his rapidly-growing and changing body to fill the very air around him. He didn't fail to notice how Rey blossomed, budding and lengthening to keep pace with his own shooting height. 

Yet, as awkward as he felt in his own skin, Rey never failed to make him feel better about himself. She was always the one person he count count on, always brightening his day with that wide, toothy smile of hers as she made some wiseass crack or the other on whatever he was doing. She was his constant.

That is, until that summer day when Rey told him that she'd agreed to go on a date with Poe Dameron and asked him if he thought she should wear a dress. Till that moment, Ben had solely been occupied with trying not to react to the sight of her fourteen-year-old body in her first bikini, lying on the lounger next to him by the club swimming pool. 

All of Ben's intangible dreams came crashing down around his ears and his heart broke quietly inside him, as Rey continued to chatter on completely oblivious to the desolation her words were causing. 

For the first time, in a long, long, time, Ben felt like he could no longer stand to hear her voice. His desperation propelled him off the lounger and into the water as he dove deep to get away from the pain of listening to her wax poetic about another boy. Not even bothering to look back at the sound of her loud yell, as his abrupt action splashed her mightily, Ben furiously threw himself into swimming laps, losing himself in the burn of his muscles, telling himself that the sting in his eyes was just the chlorine. 

Things changed, once again, for Rey and Ben that day. 

**

Rey watched in confusion as the boy she'd always unconsciously thought of as her's—not that she'd ever realized what that might mean—distanced himself from her in the blink of an eye. One day they were inseparable and the next it was as though Ben could not be far enough away from her. Oh, he was never outright rude or mean, not Ben Solo. But it was as though a ton of icecubes had taken residence inside his skin, with how cold he suddenly was towards her. 

Days grew to weeks, weeks to months and months to years. Still, there was no thawing, no matter how many times Rey tried. Till the day she stopped trying. After all, if Ben wanted to be a jerk, then she didn't have to waste her time with him. And so, they grew apart.

For all her anger and sense of betrayal, though, she could not help the pang of sadness that always made itself felt whenever she saw him. In school, at the pool, at the fortnightly family dinners their parents' friendship foisted on them, till they were old enough to beg off.

She watched Ben—though she told herself she didn't—finally, and inexorably, grow into the length and breadth of his body, his leanly-muscled swimmer's build making more than one girl stop and try to catch his eye as he stalked the halls. Not that he noticed, not that he paid them the slightest attention. Not that _ she _cared at all. Nope, no siree. It had nothing to do with her who Ben Solo chose to do things with, or even what he did with them. It wasn't as though _ she _didn't have a life of her own, and friends to fill it with. And if her protestations seemed hollow, even to herself, Rey resolutely ignored them. 

Instead, she threw herself into having the best darned high-school experience she could: academics, clubs, sports meets, parties, sleepovers, dates… the whole time, missing the one person who wanted to have nothing to do with her anymore. 

Until the fateful friday shortly before they were due to graduate. The day before Ben's eighteenth birthday. The day that Han collapsed at the breakfast table.

For all that they were neighbours, it was as though the Andors has lost a member of their own family. The weekend passed in a stunned daze for Rey as she attempted to deal with seeing her parents and Leia try to hold themselves together through the mundanities of losing a loved one. 

Rey had never experienced anything as thoroughly draining or disorienting as the funeral and the wake that followed. The Solos' home overflowed with people, all sombre faces and hushed voices and apologetic looks as they huddled in groups, eating and drinking. 

Seeing the brave face Leia was putting on, not one tear being shed in front of everyone though she'd wept in Jyn's arms the night before, seeing Ben look helplessly around his enthronged house, panic edging his eyes, Rey wanted to scream at the top of her voice: _ Who are you people? What are you even doing here? Leave us alone!_

Instead, she stood in a corner, arms wrapped around herself and numbly watched the day unfold, her eyes drawn inexorably, time and again, to the tall, hunched figure by the stairs. 

As the shadows grew long, sunlight slanting through the glass panes, she saw Ben grow increasingly restless, pacing like a caged tiger, his hands repeatedly fisting and loosening by his side, when they were not being shoved through his hair. Like a compass finding her true North, Rey's attention narrowed till all she could see was Ben, all she could sense was his growing despair. There was an explosion coming, she could feel it in her bones, the hair on her arms standing on end as though he was increasing the static energy in the very air just by the weight of his desperation.

When she saw him break and bolt through the kitchen, making for the back door, Rey pushed off the wall and sped behind him, not really caring that she was jostling people out of her way in her single-minded mission to reach him. She had to get to Ben. She _ needed _to get to Ben. She didn't question the instinct, just followed the directive.

As she slammed out of the door behind him, she paused momentarily as she saw him standing bent over, hands on his knees, seemingly struggling to draw a breath. Hearing her, Ben straightened, one hand rubbing at his chest and other plowing through his hair. When his eyes found hers, for the first time in she had no idea how many years, he swayed in place before his face crumpled, an ugly sob tearing from his throat. Dropping to his knees, Ben slammed his hands down on the ground, fisting the dead remnants of the grass he'd last mowed in autumn, the sobs becoming gutteral howls as he wept. 

Before she knew it, Rey was on her knees next to him, not caring that the still-cold ground dug into her skin, reaching for him and pulling him into her arms.

Ben wrapped his arms around her waist and cried long and hard, burrowing his face into her stomach, clutching her like she was a lifeline he was terrified of letting go of, as he remained bent over.

Shushing him, Rey smoothed her hands repeatedly over his back as she held him, her own tears falling fast and free. 

When the fury of his anguish slowed, she knew it was just the eye of the storm. With a strength she never knew she had, she pulled at an unresponsive Ben, shoving at him till he got to his feet. Taking his hand she tugged him over to the tree, to _ their _tree and womanhandled him up into the treehouse that his father and hers had built for them, a million years ago.

Stopping abruptly, she took in their surroundings in surprise, noting how tidy it was where she would have expected layers of dust from disuse. Understanding bloomed as her eyes lit upon the long beanbag that now took up almost one entire side of the space - when she'd last seen it, the bag had been mint new and laid out in Ben's room. Something panged in her at the thought that he still sought out the place that had once belonged to both of them. Almost as though-

Not willing to examine that thought, she turned to the catatonic figure next to her, pulling him over to sink down on the beanbag. The mush and pull of the beans, against the weight of their bodies, pitched them towards each other, Ben falling like a dead weight into her lap where he promptly curled up in a foetal position, one large hand wrapped around her leg. And so they stayed, as the sky darkened and the light outside disappeared.

It was as though no time at all had passed between them. There were no words needed. They were just drawn into each other like two halves of a whole that should have never separated. 

**

There were more tears, Ben shaking with the force of his emotions, as Rey hung onto him tightly, trying to comfort him with just the silent weight of her body. At some point, as they sat wrapped around each other in the dark, Ben started talking, his voice soft, hoarsened by his crying. He told her stories of his father. The things they had done together, the things Han had said, the fights they'd had, the things he most remembered, the things he was terrified of forgetting. He offered the words up, freely and unasked, releasing them into the dark like an offering to some unknown deity, with a ragged hope for benevolence.

She absorbed everything he was saying, heard every word, and then added her own when he fell silent. Together and through the night, they remembered Han, a memoriam far more fitting than the one they'd run from. And as the night waned, the sky starting to bruise purple, it was as though the cracks between them started to fill in. Maybe not all the way, but enough that they now sat, leaning against the wooden walls behind them, hands laced together and pulled into Ben's lap where he played absently with her fingers. 

The unexpected tranquility between them was broken by the chirping of Rey's long-forgotten phone, making Ben stiffen and release her hand.

Digging it out of the pocket in her skirt, Rey sighed as she keyed it open to check her incoming messages. She scanned the text from her mother, letting her know that she and Cassian had finally gone home and she was welcome to stay with Leia and Ben, whom she rightly assumed Rey was with. Tapping out a quick response with one hand, Rey turned the screen off and tucked the phone away before turning back to Ben. 

Though the light was dim inside the treehouse, it was enough to see his lowered brows and how he was holding himself, leaning away from her. 

"Ben?"

"Was that your boyfriend?" 

His question was pushed out from behind gritted teeth, the coldness in his voice startling after the night that had just passed. 

"What? No! That was mom."

"Oh." 

She threw her hands up, unable to keep from feeling hurt by his sudden volte-face. "Why would you ask me that? I don't even _ have _a boyfriend!"

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why?" He asked again, his voice strangely intent, even though he'd turned away from her. 

"Why what, Ben? You're not making any sense." Rey could feel the familiar stirring of anger, as she glared at him. 

"Why don't you have a boyfriend?"

This time, the question was a quiet one, dropping in the space between them with the weight of a stone falling in water, sending ripples out in all directions.

In the long silence that followed Rey stared at the back of Ben's head, her thoughts racing. What was he asking her? _ Why _was he asking her? Though there was only one answer to his question. After the night that had just passed, she could no longer keep it from either of them. So, sighing in resignation, she gave it to him.

"Because no-one else is you."

At any other time the speed at which he whipped around to face her, his eyes wide in the lightening gloom, would have been comical. Not now, though. Now, an excruciating tension tightened in her as she waited to see how he would respond. 

"What?" he hissed, "Why would you say that?"

And just like that the anger pulsed through her, hot and potent, driving her to scramble ungainly to her feet, pushing away from the beanbag and the wretched man sitting on it, both of whom threatened to swallow her whole.

"Because I meant it, you… you… oh, fuck you, Ben Solo! I can't keep doing this!" She spat at him before spinning away, only to lurch to a halt as he snagged her wrist. 

"Wait, are you telling me… weren't you… what about Poe?"

Incredulous, she turned to stare at him.

"Poe? _ Poe? _ Oh my god, Ben! Is that what this shit has all been about? I went on _ one _date with Poe in like… junior high!"

Ben's mouth worked furiously, the way it did when he was literally chewing over what he wanted to say, his jaw clenching as he did. 

"You asked me what to wear to go on your date!" He finally ground out, seeming as surprised as she was by what he'd said. 

"Ofcourse I asked you, you were my damned friend!" She hissed.

"I was in love with you!" He all but roared before clapping a hand to his mouth, his eyes wide and shocked as he stared up at her before he deflated. Scrubbing the hand over his face he dropped it and his gaze, though not her wrist, as he continued in a low, dull tone, "You pretty much broke my heart that day, Rey, and it hurt so much to hear you go on about him."

Rey stood, shaking her head at the revelation, unable to believe what she was hearing. Twisting her wrist, she grasped his own and yanked till he looked back up at her, his eyes sad. The sight made her own fill as she realized just how much had gone unsaid between them, how much time they'd wasted.

"I was a kid, Ben, we were both kids, and you were my only friend. Who else would I have asked? And why didn't you ever say anything to me instead of just… shutting me out the way you did?" The tears finally gave way, spilling down her cheeks, making Ben groan and tug her towards him. She didn't fight him as he pulled her into his lap, dropping his head to her shoulder as he held her.

"Don't cry Rey, please don't cry… I can't bear to see that. I'm sorry, I was…" he raised his head and searched her eyes, his own helpless and desperate as he shook his head, "I was just a kid, and I see now that it was stupid, the way I reacted. I should have just told you. But it just got easier to stew in the hurt and feel like… like it was justified because you were off having a good time." 

"I could never have a good time, I always missed you, Ben. Don't you know that? You broke _my_ heart when you pushed me away. I didn't know what I'd done wrong." She sobbed, making him pull her closer, tucking her under his chin as he tried to rock her.

"I'm sorry Rey, I'm so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you." His voice was thick with unshed tears while hers soaked through his shirt, "You didn't do anything wrong, you never could. I'm the damned fool who had years to tell you how I felt and I never did. Please stop crying, it kills me to see you like this, please…" 

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, letting his lips linger as he held her tight, arms wrapped completely around her. 

Rey sniffled as her crying slowed, though she didn't move from where she was - not that she could have even if she wanted to.

"Years?" She asked, bringing a hand up to lay against his chest, under her cheek.

He sighed. "Yes, years. I've loved you, I think, pretty much from the moment you kissed me."

At that Rey pushed his arms away and leaned back to fix him with a stare.

"From when you pushed me out of this very treehouse? From when we were fucking ten-year olds?"

"No, _ that _kiss was terrifying," shaking his head, he chuckled, "I meant from the hospital after your arm was set."

"So, from when you kissed my nose?" Bracing her hands on his forearms, she leaned away.

Wrapping his hands around her waist to keep her from going any further, he shook his head again. 

"No, from when you grabbed my face and laid one on me."

"Sort of like this?" Grasping his chin in her hand firmly, Rey swooped in and captured his lips, hard, fast, unrelenting. Ben responded instantly, his mouth opening under hers as she poured years of heartache into the kiss, demanding and taking everything he had to give. And what Rey wanted, Rey got. 

When they finally broke for air, chests heaving, lips swollen from the punishing force of their coming together, he dropped his forehead to hers and breathed, "Exactly like that."

Rey couldn't help the snort of amusement that burst from her, even as the sparkling rush of what was happening permeated every pore. 

"Yeah, not likely, I was only ten and so were you."

"Trust me, it felt _ exactly _like that to ten-year old me."

Sighing, she shook her head and bumped his nose with hers. "You are a stupid-head moron, Benjamin Solo and I-"

Rearing back in alarm he pressed his fingers over her mouth, stoppering her words as he firmly shook his head. "No, don't say you don't want to talk to me ever again. Anything but that."

Pulling his hands down, she examined his face closely. Finally seeing there what she'd yearned for all these years, she smiled. "That's not what I was going to say." 

He looked down at where she was stroking her thumb over his knuckles, before glancing back up at her. "You forgive me? For the shit I put us through? Will you give me a chance? To make things okay?"

Shrugging, her smile spread into a mischievous grin. "I may not have a choice. I'm told you've been in love with me forever. A girl's got to try that sort of a thing out, take it for a ride."

Ben growled and pounced, pulling her back into his arms as she shrieked a laugh. "Damned straight you do, and I'm not letting you go again. I've wanted this for too long."

Smoothing a hand over his cheek, Rey closed the distance between them, whispering before capturing him in another kiss, "So have I Ben, now shut up and kiss me."

And so he did. 

____


End file.
